Healing Through Astrology, Empathy and Self Forgiveness with Lisa Tahir Ep#74

Healing Through Astrology, Empathy and Self Forgiveness with Lisa Tahir Ep#74

. This is Habits and Humor. I'm Suzi B and you're here to learn some quick tips and simple hacks to help you improve your health and habits. So today I've brought on a phenomenal guest that can help us to heal the past. If we are healed from the trauma or difficult times that we have had, then it can Keeps us from holding ourselves back and we're able to progress and move forward.

Welcome to the show, Lisa. We're so glad that you're here.

Suzi, thank you for having me. I am so delighted to be here today with you and everyone who's a part of

this. Beautiful. So happy that you're here, Lisa. So Lisa Tahir is a licensed clinical social worker. She also runs a therapy, , business in both New Orleans and Los Angeles.

Correct? Yes. Yes. And then she does a whole bunch of other things. So Lisa, why don't you just give us a little introduction to you and then let's jump right into the healing aspect of all of this. What can we do to heal? What we need, how do we even know what we need to heal from and then what can we do to do that?

Absolutely. I love helping people live a happier life. Suzi, I've been a therapist for over 20 years. I'm a licensed clinical social worker in Louisiana and California. And it's definitely my passion to help you understand yourself better through knowing your patterns. And when I say patterns, I mean, patterns of thought that each day we get up and we tend to think the same type of thoughts as the day before.

And as a result, our life has a predictable pattern. And I see us like a mini solar system. We habituate in orbit, the same people, places, and things each day and call it our routine. And hopefully for the most part, you're really liking your orbit and your routine and the other planets, meaning the people and situations that orbit you.

And that's where the Chiron effect came from the title of my book, Chiron. Is a minor planet and comet in astronomy. It has both designations, which is very unique. It's not typical. Yeah, and this heavenly body orbits in our solar system between the planets of Saturn and Uranus, just for you to know, there is a heavenly body called Chiron out there, and in your astrological birth chart, which you probably know your sun sign, which for me is Gemini, what would be your sun sign?

I'm a Virgo. You're a Virgo. Okay. You like routine organization. Those are your wheelhouses. Health. Health is really important to you as a Virgo as well, typically. And so most of us know our sun signs. Chiron, you know, I didn't know what my Chiron placement was. I didn't even know there was such a thing in my birth chart until about.

It was probably now about eight years ago, I was wondering how to help my clients, people that I work with who are really successful, really doing well in life, yet still experience depression and anxiety. And for myself as well, being a therapist and having been in therapy for numerous years, why was I still feeling anxiety and depression?

And I wondered. What I had missed in this whole healing narrative. And in meditation, I was asking that to the universe, to God, to source, like, what is it? What's missing? And I heard the word Chiron like is a little whisper in the back of my mind. And all that I remembered about Chiron. Some grad school teachings on Carl Jung who wrote about archetypes, and Chiron is the wounded healer archetype.

And I didn't feel like that was very significant, to be honest. And over time, like any of you listening or watching , when there's information that wants to come to you, it starts popping up everywhere, right? Like you start hearing it on the radio or people are conversing about it, and it's kind of weird.

Like when the universe wants your attention, it'll start. Kind of shaking the tree for you to get it. And for me, I started to hear this Chiron, Chiron, Chiron, just more and more until I finally sat down. I'm like, okay. And I know enough about personal transformation that when something keeps coming up in my mind to pause, yeah.

And take some time to research it. So that's how I started learning. about Chiron in astrology being in one of 12 signs like you're a Virgo, there's Chiron in Virgo, there's Chiron in Gemini, Chiron in the sign of Cancer, in Libra, and , it points to something really different. Then your sun sign, it points to the area where we repeat unhealthy patterns that keep us feeling not good enough about ourselves.

Yeah. And I thought that was remarkable. And may I use yours just to give a real example. Please do. Please do. So yeah. When I looked at your time of birth. And your place of birth, it generated Chiron is in the sign of Gemini in your first house of personal identity, which means this is really about your self esteem, your self concept, how you value yourself, and it spoke to this core wounding.

On a spectrum. It's on a spectrum for some people. This is a deep wounding when you've experienced traumas like sexual abuse and violence and physical abuse. It's really a deep wounding within yourself. , that's been hard to make sense of. And for others, it's on a spectrum of like vulnerability.

This is more of an ouch place. It's more of a, you know, an ouch than a like deep, painful place. And So for you, Suzi, it points to this vulnerability in empathetic attunement to yourself and that shows up as you may be prone to comparing yourself to others and feeling like you're not good enough, or you're not where you're meant to be, and really being hard on yourself, though you're really successful and you've done so much and it's like, This potential hamster wheel of performance and doing and really creating a lot of good in the world, but not fully like realizing it for yourself.

And if

you're like reading my journals, are you in my head, Lisa? You guys, we didn't discuss this prior. We didn't have any at all. No, this is legit.

Yeah. And it's really about upgrading your communication to yourself, about yourself, more affirmations, more recognizing and enjoying your success. Like really taking some time to celebrate with yourself, with friends, with your audience, to really feel good about yourself right now for everything you've done.

And knowing that when you create to do it from a place of, of overfill of like joy versus Feeling like you have to keep doing that, is that resonating as

well? Totally, totally, yes. So, , I have used affirmations for many years and it started with, , all of this, well not all of it, but a lot of this, , mental process for me started with, , postpartum depression.

And I didn't know that I had it. It was undiagnosed for about a year and a half before I figured out that's what I was dealing with, but that was just a constant cycle in my head. I was super hard on myself and any mistake that I made, I just, it was, became this colossal thing. I remember one day I forgot to pick up my kids.

, I was thinking, I thought they were riding the bus home and they were waiting for me at the school. So they'd been waiting for maybe 15 minutes before they called and I. Spiraled so hard that day. I mean, who hasn't? Raise your hand if you forgot your kids at school. Like, it's probably not a big deal.

And looking back on it now, I can see that. But in the moment, every single mistake I made was so colossal. , , but like you're saying with this whole spectrum thing, this, , , I think is really applicable to anybody. Whether you've experienced a traumatic experience, like what you were talking about with abuse or something like that, that deeply wounds you.

Or if it's just the buildup of little things throughout your life, that's what shows up here. So for the two things that you mentioned were affirmations and celebration, and those are my mantra in life. Like I absolutely, I do those every single day. And even you specifically said, , that you don't feel like you're in the right place.

That is one of my. You are exactly where you need to be. I say that to myself every single day. So this works, you guys, I love it, but this is such a crucial piece to my mental health is the celebration factor. And so , , I encourage my clients to do this all the time. , I ask them, what are you successful with this week, cherish a win or, you know, something like this, that you can see in the present moment, your successes and celebrate that.

I've studied a lot about the mind and how all of this works with. Creating patterns of success and yes, you see what you're doing, right? Then you motivate yourself from within to keep doing right. And then your brain looks for that pattern of okay. This is where we're succeeding instead of that hard spiral downward.

Every time you make a mistake and your brain brings up everything you've ever done wrong. That celebration and affirmation. Those are huge habits for me for mental health success. So that was a beautiful analysis that you

just brought out. Thank you. And to add to that, since Chiron is in Gemini in your chart, Gemini has to do with communication and the fact that you do this show and have a Facebook group and you're putting out so much into the world, you're just right where you're meant to be.

And that's what's healed you naturally without knowing. Per se where Chiron was that you've been doing this because you felt led to do this. And that really speaks to how our bodies and minds are wired to heal naturally. And it's just giving ourselves the extra support and tools that we need to do that with some more ease.

So you've been on this path before you and I ever met to have this conversation. So that's a way you can also affirm. yourself, that intuitively you've known what to do. And now it's really about whatever you might take a dip in your mood or emotion to really go back to, Hey, I dismiss this negative or critical thought.

And that's one of my tips is to say, you're dismissed. We think up to 70, 000 thoughts a day. That's a ton of thoughts. And there's no way, , that we can. Capture all of those, but we tend to notice the ones that don't feel good because our mood takes a dip or you feel like, oh, like in the pit of your stomach or in your heart, you might start feeling some tension in your chest.

And that can indicate to pause and ask, What am I thinking? And if it's something that doesn't feel good. You're dismissed. I even had that this morning, pouring my coffee and thinking, am I going to add value to Suzi's show? And that didn't feel good. And I was like, you know what? You're dismissed because this is a co creation.

Of course, it's going to be valuable because we're doing this together, being authentic. Yeah. And so it's a little tool I use to dismiss the thoughts that don't feel good and identify how I'd like to feel. It's like, I want to feel connected to you and the audience and just share what my experience has been.

And in doing that, people can choose if this resonates with them or not. That's not my job. My job is just to kind of be the mouthpiece of information to flow through. Right,

right. Yeah, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't force them to drink. I love this. And I, in terms of the value that you're bringing is, is huge.

I just absolutely love this. Such a interesting perspective on my own personal life, but then it's so applicable to everybody here. So in your book, do you break down, , how the process works with each, , sun sign.

Yeah. So the book starts by inviting us to be a container for our own change.

And I see us, our bodies, our minds, we contain our life experience in our minds, through our emotions. And I invite you to light a candle as you did Suzi, when we started, and maybe take 20 minutes each time you, you read my book, because I'm really taken you by the hand and walking you through reflecting.

on experiences in your life where you both felt loved and valued as well as times when you didn't and then what meaning did you make about yourself especially the times when you didn't feel valued because that's what sets your orbit today is we can only go as far as our largest limiting thought and I really want to help you Shift the limits into possibilities by learning to value yourself by learning to have self empathy and forgiveness instead of being so hard on yourself.

For when the example you gave Suzi when you forgot to pick up your kids. It was 15 minutes, and it gave them an opportunity to reach out to you and connect and you dropped everything, and I bet your kids feel more valued. Through that experience than just even the routine pickup, because you showed up.

For them, like, on a dime, and that caused them to feel really important.

Well, I certainly hope so. Because in my brain, it feels like, okay, they were totally forgotten. But the fact that you're shifting this in my mind, this is such a beautiful concept. And that

really, yeah, thank you. And that it's really a precursor for change to be willing to see things differently, to also have some hope.

And to try some new things to see how they work. I'm really big on 30 day experiments, because I think it can take 30 days to really start out a new habit and get to try it out and, and have some trial and error because you might not be showing up every day, but in 30 days, probably you're going to do it more often than not.

And you get to start to feel. How a new habit affects your life. And for me, it was meditation. I'm going to try to meditate for 30 days. And I started with guided YouTube meditations that were really effective four to 10 minute meditations. Cause I felt like I can give that time and it's not too much of a hardship on my schedule and kind of try out a new behavior to see how it affects me.

And it started to radically improve my life to take four to 10 minutes to meditate. And so that's another tool that I use is meditation and guided ones are really effective versus just sitting there in silence with our mind, like going all over the place. I think that takes some training to work up to.

And what do you think about that?

I love meditation. And I agree that when you're open to change is where you start to change. And whether, I mean, whatever you worship, whatever you, whatever your source is, , mine personally is God. And so I keep God in my conversations constantly and every decision that I have made to communicate what I have experienced has come from a prompting.

Of my heavenly father saying, Hey, you should write your book or you should share this with people, or this is information that people need, or even just, you know, giving a talk. , I could be halfway through the deal and then I get a prompting of, this is the direction you should go. You should focus here.

And then at the end, someone will come up to me and say, that was exactly what I needed. And I'm like, I didn't have that planned at all. Yeah. It doesn't really come from me, but when you're willing to follow that prompting within yourself. Whether that comes from God or it comes from your intuition or whatever you believe in, follow that because it will change everything.

I like your, , visual for the solar system where you are a solar system and, and whether what your orbit is, if you're enjoying your orbit, if you find happiness there, then you have been led to the right place versus. If you're feeling that conflict, if you're feeling that struggle of where you're at, listen to where you could shift to listen to where you could move to.

Maybe you need to bring some new people into your life. Maybe you need a new, a fulfillment activity. , something that brings you joy that you can do on a consistent basis. And then of course, once you find the thing that feels good, turn it into a habit and do it every day or not every day, but. You know, more days on than off, and this is a beautiful idea and a whole concept here.

So in terms of healing, , you talked about meditation and that's where you can sort of get that intuition and get that inspiration of what to do next. How do we know what we need to heal from? And does it matter? Like, I don't necessarily know that I was like, all right, I'm really hard on myself and I have a lot of self doubt.

I'm going to take these steps to fix that. Or is it just like, this is what I feel like I should do. I'm going to take action first and then the results will

follow. You know, I think Either starting point that you just spoke is fine and will work in my book. I actually give suggestions, five takeaway steps to start, depending on where Chiron is in your birth chart.

And say, for example, for you, Suzi Chiron and Gemini is a takeaway is before speaking to a person or group, take a moment to collect your thoughts and clearly identify. In your mind, what needs to be said and to take the risk that it's going to be right on because we all might, you know, you might have some doubt, of course.

And it sounds like you've had this experience where you feel led midstream to share something you hadn't intended. And then someone comes up and is like, thank you. That's just what I needed to hear. So again, , you're already trusting yourself in this way. I didn't

start there people. I did not start there.

So if you're like, I don't feel like I'm inspired to do the thing you have. Just it's a process. Yeah. Step one is to think about it and to want it and take some action to do it.

And another example for those people that are born around, Chiron spends about two to eight years in every sign. So people in your age group will have.

The same Chiron placement, though it might manifest in a different area of your life, and that's what the houses represent in astrology. And for you, Suzi, the first house, which is where Chiron is, has to do, like I said, with your personal identity. Nobody knows this about you outwardly. It's something in your own mind that you've...

Struggled with and thought about and have made efforts to heal in your own self esteem. And for others of you, it might be in say the 10th house and the area of work, your professional achievements and success, where you have these issues that might be a vulnerability or a wounding. And so it's interesting to see, and you're going to know when you read your placement where this manifests, cause it'll be like, Oh, that's why maybe in my relationship.

My intimate relationship, there's some issues of being misunderstood and so it helps you kind of know what area to focus upon so that you're not feeling like you're just messed up. I have clients come in and it's like, Oh no, no, that's not the case. Like just something's wrong with me. And no, there's not, there's nothing wrong with you.

They're just some patterns of thought that. Have affected the way you feel about yourself and your life and your life and we can absolutely address those and you can start feeling better really immediately to just bring some empathy and compassion. And then again forgive yourself for where you feel like you've fallen short, or maybe where you actually did.

Life is going to give you a thousand more opportunities to try again and practice your new skills and show up. So it's all going to be okay.

It's all going to be okay. Can we just stamp that on all of our foreheads? You guys are in that moment of whatever the thing is, maybe you forgot your kids and you're.

Hard track derailing your own self mental health, or, you know, maybe it's, it's a traumatic experience from years ago that still affects you, or maybe it's just a buildup of several things that have happened, whatever it is, be open to the fact that it's okay to be where you are. And you can move forward by taking small, simple action.

And whether you start with addressing the problem or just taking action in the right direction, either of those is a great option. I like that you're giving us permission in some form to, to take either path, whether you want to dive into what could be holding you back, or you want to just move forward with simple things, both of these are the right way.

So whatever, whatever you personally feel like is the path for you, go for it.

Yes. And I'd love to talk to you about the role of humor. Cause I've been listening to your show and thinking about humor and, and my experience with humor in my own life. And is that okay to talk about? Cause I'd love to know your thoughts on this.

I was listening to your show with Lisa, another Lisa, who was such an amazing guest, like a comic improv. And I noticed for her humor was her wheelhouse from like day one. It seemed in childhood and it made me reflect on why his humor sometime been hard for me. And. And I feel like somebody listening, this is going to resonate with them.

And I started to notice that your guest, Lisa, when you think about kind of the different roles, people that we play in our family of origin, the home we grew up in and the people that surrounded us, especially when there was. Traumatic things. We take a role and Lisa took the role for sure of like the clown of finding humor to detract, you know, to turn away from the, the really traumatic things she shared happened with her mom to take that role of the clown.

And that became like a profession for her. And I thought like, that wasn't the case at all for me or for others, other roles that you might take. Would be like the scapegoat, the person that gets blamed for that happens because you're the one that's like, oh my gosh, this is wrong. You've seen very clearly what's happening that the elephant in the room, but not being valued for that and even being persecuted sometime for that.

And humor for that person might come a little harder in their lives because things weren't funny for them. And for others, maybe , the helper, the pleaser, the one that always like wanted to help, , to make things easier and better, a lot of effort, a lot of work. Or the role of the, the child that always had straight A's that didn't want to draw any negative attention to themselves.

Okay. That was you. And I think if you weren't kind of that clown persona, humor could be harder for you. So I started to feel into a solution being, we really have to allow. ourselves to have joy, allow ourselves to laugh, allow ourselves to just lighten it up a bit, because growing up in traumatic homes and experiences, things didn't feel light.

They felt really heavy. You were walking on eggshells, like wondering when the next shoe is going to drop. And I think once you've gone through that, And, and you're out of it. You're in your adult life. We're still perceiving where's that other shoe going to fall from? And how do I prepare versus being in our joy and the healing is about.

Releasing that and telling yourself I am safe now and maybe I don't feel safe. So what do I need to learn to know that I am safe and to laugh, to give yourself permission to laugh and to lighten up and I love funny movies. Like I really only watch funny movies and some action movies and. Cause I enjoy laughing now.

And last night, the Carol, Carol Burnett's 90th birthday show was on. And that woman is so funny. And I was reminded of that show was on in my house growing up and I had forgotten, you know, sort of really look for where humor can show up in your life. Cause it's so healing to laugh. It generates positive, like serotonin and dopamine in your brain.

And I think we really need to allow more of that. And I wonder what you think, Suzi.

Totally. Yes, absolutely. One of the things that I talk about, one of my talks is called embracing embarrassing, and it's just shifting yourself from, there's two ways that you can handle an embarrassing moment. One is that you want to disappear and die because you're so embarrassed and you want to shrink down and be small.

And the other is that you laugh. And the way that you laugh is just to laugh at yourself. And when you laugh at yourself, you give your permission for the people around you to connect in that moment. It's no longer people laughing at you. It's people laughing with you, but that's a conscious decision. And whether it's something embarrassing that you've done or something just awkward that happened that you were there, there's such a colossal shift in the way that you perceive and respond to the situation earlier when you talked about, , Virgos in particular, how we, take fast action and we speak I need to think before I speak.

I've worked a long time with the Stephen Covey concept of. , the gap, the space between stimulus and response and humor is one of the best ways to create that gap. So whether you are in, your kids are freaking out and you want to yell back or you want to fight back at them, if you can make a joke in that moment.

Holy moly. The tension of the situation is going to be so much better. Or, your kids often look to you for when they do something embarrassing, how to respond or something hurtful, you know, they fall down , your two year old waxes head , on the wall. He looks at you. And if you say, Oh, are you okay?

He's going to cry. But if you say that was awesome, nice work, buddy, then you'll be fine. And so you get to choose that humor, not necessarily like ha ha ha hearty laugh, but. You know, just the lightness of the situation in whatever it is, maybe at work. I do a lot of conversations around people in awkward situations in corporate places where, you know what, I messed up at work and I can't tell my boss because I'm going to fix it myself before I tell him.

And then this drags on for days or weeks and it causes other problems versus if you just own the situation, you embrace the embarrassing and go say, Hey, you know what, I messed up on this and I need help fast, fast solutions can happen. And so it's a much better way to deal with difficult situations by using that lightness, using the humor, embracing the embarrassing and realizing it's okay.

It's okay that you messed up. It's okay that wherever you're at didn't go the way that it should. And you get to decide between that stimulus and response, what your. What your mood is, if you want it to be hard and heavy and full of angst, or if you want it to be humorous and light and open to the room around you and connect it to the people around you,

and that's actually that space you're speaking about.

That's where everything happens. I talk about in my book about when we're triggered and that space between stimulus and response, where taking a pause. Can really help us respond instead of react. Because when we're triggered, a trigger is like an unhealed energetic attachment that can happen anywhere.

It's kind of like an invisible landmine in your brain, in your memory. That when someone says something, in a tone, or does something, and we go from zero to a hundred, and it seems really odd, it's because we're triggered. And when we learn to pause, be it before you send that text message, Before you speak in person before on the phone, and even it's okay to say, Hey, like that landed, that landed in a weird way with me.

Let me take a minute with this. And that can be hard to say, because we tend to put pressure on ourselves to, to say something immediately in the moment, but it's okay to pause and say, let me get back to you on this. I'm feeling, I'm feeling unnecessarily upset or angry. I'm not sure what that's about. And when we step back, we can see like what that brought up.

And usually it's something from the past where we were judged, demeaned, criticized, and we're very protective and reactive around , that area. And it can help, like you're saying to just take a pause there.

Awesome. I'm going to ask you for some action tips on what we can do here as we wrap up, but I'm going to share with you guys, one of my action tips, , for a while, especially when my kids were little.

You know, when upset things would happen, we had a rug in our room and that would be the timeout rug. There really was no space between the two of us that we're currently having the conflict. And I would just continue to, , how shall I say, micromanage the child who's sitting on the rug. You will stay on that rug.

So then when we started sending the kids to their room so they could cool off. We'd say, you need to go cool off, go sit in your room for a minute. Yeah. Tear their room apart and they do, you know, whatever they needed to do in their room. But then we'd. We'd be able to come back together and have a conversation a few minutes later, game changer.

It was a huge game changer and that worked really well. We're like, cause we're little, but then the kids got big and you can't like, just send them out of the room anytime you please. So I started sending myself to my room. Wow. And I have something that I call the burn journal. And I would write things down.

I'm a, I'm a words person, so I'd write it down and then I'd rip it out and I'd

burn it. You're speaking my language. I have done so much of that and I suggest it to clients. Yes. Super cathartic.

Yes. It is way to, get the words out. I have a friend that, uh, does. She writes emails and she really wants to push the send button.

So she sends it to

herself. Yes. That's yes. I suggest it to clients. 100%. It's so gratifying to send a text to yourself. And 90 percent of the time, the text I send to the person is different than the one I sent to myself. And it's better.

Oh, for sure. Oh, for sure. Anytime you do something the first time around, especially when you're feeling emotional, it's going to be, it's going to be aggressive.

At least for me. Yeah. So some takeaways for us to, take this healing into action. We want to know, obviously we can read the Chiron effect and figure out where exactly , this Chiron is happening in our lives and what part of us may need healing, what part of us may benefit and what strengths and weaknesses we might have.

This can give you some enlightenment, but how do we follow that to intuition of, you know what, I don't feel right in the solar system I'm in. I don't feel right in this place. I need something to change, but I don't know what to change. What's maybe a couple of first steps that we can take to. To make that progress and to heal from what's holding us back.

You know, I, when that feeling comes up, when that thought comes up, that something with you is a miss, I would say you're dismissed out loud and start to feel, and what is my deeper need here? And even close your eyes. Because usually the deeper need you have is for connection, be it with others, with yourself, with something greater than you, and to just allow yourself to feel that need, even if some tears come up, allow the tears to flow.

There are three stress hormones only released through emotional tears that was discovered in the 80s by a Dr. Fry. And. It's the reason why tears are so important to allow because it's releasing toxins. So to really ask what's my deeper need here and ask how might I give this to myself today if it's centered around connection, which I think are , our deep wounds usually are, maybe you can reach out to someone, maybe you can take yourself to a pretty place, a park or for the beach or a walk that you enjoy.

And I like right there. I'm going to, I'm going to pause you right there. Sometimes that connection that we're missing is with ourselves. Sometimes we think, okay, I need to reach out to more people. I need to surround myself with people, people, people. But if you can't handle being a room alone by yourself, that's where you should start.

I had that same issue back. Five years, six years ago, and holy coley, sitting in my closet, looking at myself in the mirror. That was tough. And every day, every day, every day, every day, until it finally became a place that I wanted to be. I want to be myself. I love myself now. And six years later, I don't have to do those things as nearly as intense as I did, but you know, that's, those are habits that I have now that I absolutely

depend on.

And isn't that liberating to know you can be with yourself and feel at peace? Yes. Yes.

Absolutely. Okay. Keep going. So we're connecting.

Keep going. Yes. So the second tip and , what are you asking me? I want to make sure I'm answering your question. Yeah.

Just the takeaways that we can. Okay.

So you're dismissed when a thought pops up that causes you like negative emotion where you're feeling bad about yourself, you're dismissed and say it out loud to start.

Second tip, I think, especially as women, we tend to spread ourselves too thin, so something that's really helped me to mind my time, which is the second point, is when somebody asked me about doing something, even if I know it's a yes, I was the person that overcommitted. And then didn't want to flake. So I pushed myself to do things.

I said yes to, and just felt so depleted a way to pull yourself out of that pattern is when you're asked to do something, say, Hey, let me get back to you on that and to get home and really assess, looking at your calendar, looking at your week, looking at, does this really serve me? And in that way, you can say, Hey, you know what?

I'd love to, but not this time circle back again, because. Then you're going to only show up for the things aren't so depleting and you're not spreading yourself then. And you won't feel like you're being a flake canceling at the last minute. So it changes a pattern for you in the deepest sense to really say yes to things authentic.

Is that helpful? What

you need and what you want and what you, what will be better for both you and the situation. Yeah. Sometimes we say yes to things that this isn't going to end up well for either

of us. So just say, let me get back to you and take that. That pause and time. And the third tip you address is the self affirmation.

I love saying I approve of myself. You're doing really well today. Like to really just stop and pause, put your hand over your heart and even say, you are the most important person in my universe. What do you need? And really just self attune each day. To your own

heart. Beautiful. One of the teenage girls that I work with in our church, she says that she does a self check in and I'm like, I like that.

I like that self check in. So I love those three tips you guys, when you're needing that progressive movement forward, but you feel a little bit stuck, think whatever the negative thought you're dismissed, let it out of your brain. I love that idea. And the second is don't say yes yet. Take a minute before you say yes to things, decide if it's good for you and for them and then go ahead and give that affirmation to yourself that.

Right where you are is where you should be. There's a lot of things that got you to, to hear and whether you're moving forward or whether you're staying where you are, that's okay. Both

options are right. Yes. And I look forward to having you on my podcast, all things therapy in the next couple of months.

It's going to be so good.